Chemistry Jokes

I believe that humour is absolutely essential in our daily lives.

Carbon-14 walks into a bar.  He sits down beside a beautiful woman and asks “hey, wanna date?”  (Courtesy Agent 59)

A proton walks into the bar and orders a drink.  The bartender asks if the proton wanted that specific drink. The protons says “I’m positive!!”

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a soft drink.  The bartender recognized the neutron and said the drink was on him.  The neutron asked “Are you sure?”  The bartender replies “absolutely. . . no charge!”

How did the crazy man get out of the park? . . . . .He took the psychopath!

Argon walks into a bar and the barman yells “Get out!” Argon doesn’t react.

So what do  you do with a dead chemist?  Barium

Oxygen and magnesium together??? . . . . . .. . . OMG!

What did the scientist say when he found two helium isotopes?. . . . . .HeHe        (Courtesy Science 10H class)

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorus walked in?   OHSNaP!
(Courtesy Science 10H class)

Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane.  The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One say, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?”  The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive!”

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you would be in Seine!

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering!!